But that’s exactly what I felt early in my career. Whether it was during meetings or group discussions, I often got the feedback that I needed to be more assertive, more visible. Show myself more. It created tension. I put myself under a magnifying glass. I stopped focusing on what I wanted to say, and started focusing on that I had to say something. At the right moment. In the right way. It paralysed me. And instead of saying more, I stopped listening to what others were saying, and started listening mostly to my own thoughts.
What assertiveness actually means
Being assertive isn’t the same as talking a lot, even though we often link the two. Assertiveness is about being engaged. Being present. Taking action. My Chinese background taught me to observe closely. To listen to understand, not to respond. To give people room to share their ideas and thoughts, and to build on them. Because that’s assertiveness too.
You’re not less assertive. There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re less vocal. You contribute just as much to the conversation. Inclusive leaders understand that. They actively create space for other people’s voices, so you can contribute in your own way.